[ she's actually at a loss for words. her eyes peel away from apollo, all of them, dropping down and looking away as she blushes and covers her mouth with a fist. it's- it's a kind move from him, a spectacularly kind one, even if he doesn't know just why yet. and so when he asks his question, she grabs on and answers fully, glad to have something she can respond to without getting too awkward and emotional. ]
Sort of? Haha. I mean, that's basically it. Going against God's will and everything. [ she shrugs, mimicking his sip - and only barely wincing. turns out pouring half a cup of sugar in makes it more drinkable. ] It's kind of like...
[ for a moment, she's not sure how far is okay to go. when you have trouble reading other people, you run into a lot of problems on that front, and she was always told it wasn't right to just... unload on someone you don't know that well. but, well, that's not really holding her back anymore, is it? he asked her a question. she can tell the truth if she wants. what's the worst case - he thinks she's weird? a freak who let the devil in?
ha. it's funny, because she is totally, factually, literally that. she takes another small sip, letting the warmth of the cup soak through to her hands, before speaking up again. ]
Well, um. For me, I guess it was... being a boy? Or, well, trying. I was pretty shitty at it. [ even with the things she's saying, she doesn't sound torn up - it's not causing her any pain. it's just something in the past. ] You know what I mean, right? I didn't like playing with the other boys, and I cried too much, and, uh- that kind of thing.
[ another sip. she watches the black liquid swirl in the cup, gently jiggling one hand to keep it moving. ]
I hated it. Like, hated it. And I didn't even know how much? It's like- it's like you've been wearing shoes too tight for your feet for your whole life, right? And you don't really think about it, most of the time. And then you find decent shoes, and it's like... holy shit? Holy shit. [ a tiny ting as she flicks a fingernail against her cup. ting. ting. ] I think... I'd probably die if I had to go back to the way things were. Haha.
[ it's not a remotely appropriate thing to laugh at. her laugh doesn't even sound particularly amused - it's awkward, a helpless attempt to fill the silence a tiny bit. she finally looks back up at apollo, all her eyes searching for some sort of reaction - tension? pity? hatred? honestly, she's not even sure what she's looking for. ]
no subject
Sort of? Haha. I mean, that's basically it. Going against God's will and everything. [ she shrugs, mimicking his sip - and only barely wincing. turns out pouring half a cup of sugar in makes it more drinkable. ] It's kind of like...
[ for a moment, she's not sure how far is okay to go. when you have trouble reading other people, you run into a lot of problems on that front, and she was always told it wasn't right to just... unload on someone you don't know that well. but, well, that's not really holding her back anymore, is it? he asked her a question. she can tell the truth if she wants. what's the worst case - he thinks she's weird? a freak who let the devil in?
ha. it's funny, because she is totally, factually, literally that. she takes another small sip, letting the warmth of the cup soak through to her hands, before speaking up again. ]
Well, um. For me, I guess it was... being a boy? Or, well, trying. I was pretty shitty at it. [ even with the things she's saying, she doesn't sound torn up - it's not causing her any pain. it's just something in the past. ] You know what I mean, right? I didn't like playing with the other boys, and I cried too much, and, uh- that kind of thing.
[ another sip. she watches the black liquid swirl in the cup, gently jiggling one hand to keep it moving. ]
I hated it. Like, hated it. And I didn't even know how much? It's like- it's like you've been wearing shoes too tight for your feet for your whole life, right? And you don't really think about it, most of the time. And then you find decent shoes, and it's like... holy shit? Holy shit. [ a tiny ting as she flicks a fingernail against her cup. ting. ting. ] I think... I'd probably die if I had to go back to the way things were. Haha.
[ it's not a remotely appropriate thing to laugh at. her laugh doesn't even sound particularly amused - it's awkward, a helpless attempt to fill the silence a tiny bit. she finally looks back up at apollo, all her eyes searching for some sort of reaction - tension? pity? hatred? honestly, she's not even sure what she's looking for. ]