[ there's a lot of things she was expecting to find, but- anger isn't one of them. he's been so kind, so easy to talk to so far that it honestly stuns her into silence for a moment. he's angry for her? that's... new to her. like, really new to her. she can think of two other people in her entire life who'd do that for her.
she shakes her head to collect herself, and tries to answer his questions. ]
No. I mean, yes, but not me? Not me specifically. There were others every week, but it wouldn't have been me until the very end. [ it occurs to her he probably doesn't quite know what she'd mean by that, so she tries to explain: ] It's, um- so every week, they sent three of the kids out to the devil, right? And it's... Whichever one of them let the devil into their heart, that's the one we had to beat down.
[ oh. maybe that'll explain a bit more. she helpfully adds that in. ]
Right, sorry. We were the ones who had to do it, not the counselors.
[ wow. the more she tries to explain this in, like, an objective way, the more fucked up it sounds? like, not that it wasn't fucked up. it was absolutely fucked up. but even so, she's having trouble getting the whole picture across. she laughs, almost nervously this time, and combs her fingers through her hair - she doesn't really want to keep dragging the mood down!! ]
Sorry. I'm really not doing a good job of explaining this? Haha.
[ she's doing the thing where she tries to smile, and laugh sheepishly, and pretend that everything was her fault. and she knows it, and she hates it. god. why is talking so difficult? ]
no subject
she shakes her head to collect herself, and tries to answer his questions. ]
No. I mean, yes, but not me? Not me specifically. There were others every week, but it wouldn't have been me until the very end. [ it occurs to her he probably doesn't quite know what she'd mean by that, so she tries to explain: ] It's, um- so every week, they sent three of the kids out to the devil, right? And it's... Whichever one of them let the devil into their heart, that's the one we had to beat down.
[ oh. maybe that'll explain a bit more. she helpfully adds that in. ]
Right, sorry. We were the ones who had to do it, not the counselors.
[ wow. the more she tries to explain this in, like, an objective way, the more fucked up it sounds? like, not that it wasn't fucked up. it was absolutely fucked up. but even so, she's having trouble getting the whole picture across. she laughs, almost nervously this time, and combs her fingers through her hair - she doesn't really want to keep dragging the mood down!! ]
Sorry. I'm really not doing a good job of explaining this? Haha.
[ she's doing the thing where she tries to smile, and laugh sheepishly, and pretend that everything was her fault. and she knows it, and she hates it. god. why is talking so difficult? ]