un: fairchild | text

[creatio]

( Clary can't sleep. That isn't new, but thanks to the steady application of an Endurance rune she doesn't quite look like the walking dead yet. In fact, her stele turning up has been a godsend. Nourishment to stop her having to eat the weird replicated food, Stealth so that she can wander the halls at all hours, and Soundless so that no one hears her scream if she finally gets a few hours sleep before the nightmares come. But runes can't really help her state of mind, and there's only so much she can do to stop herself going crazy.

Which is what drives her to the network in the middle of the night, thoughts going round in vicious circles. )

if you could wish for one thing in the whole wide world, what would it be?

( Grief isn't new, not to Clary. Each person that gets taken from her is another chip in her heart. But she's used to doing something. With Simon, she'd forced the others to bury him so that he could come back. With Jocelyn, she'd killed the demon who took her. With Jace, there should have been a wish.

If whoever brought her here had waited only two more minutes. She was so close. But now she's here. And he's dead. And in the dark of artificial night she can't put on her cheery smile anymore. )

What if you knew that it was the only one, in the history of all wishes, and that using it would mean it was gone and no matter who might need it down the line it's been used up, would you still take it?

( Jace will be long dead by the time she manages to get home. If she manages. But she spilt blood, Raziel owes her. There's still a chance. )

Comments

[creatio]

( He's right though, and that brings a new pang of guilt to the table. Clary had been thinking only in the moment, panic and fear coursing through her until all she could focus on was Jace, lying there, broken.

She didn't even remember her mom. )

maybe it's about the wording.

[charlieoscar]

[He's right because it's a guilt he knows. A selfishness he can already see.

He could bring them back, but could they ever forgive him? Could he ever live knowing they couldn't.]

Words enough for every wrong?

[...]

It eventually stops being a wish.

[creatio]

so that kind of thing, it's better left alone right?

it's wrong to play god?

[charlieoscar]

I think we both already know the answer to that.

[Never enough wishes.]

[creatio]

i don't think i'm strong enough not to try.

( If she could fight her way out of this station and somehow make it back to Idris, she would do whatever she could to be given the chance again. )

probably a good thing i got kidnapped.

[charlieoscar]

A good thing it's just a hypothetical for me.

[creatio]

i wonder how many people here would change their minds if it wasn't.

[charlieoscar]

Knowing right and wrong doesn't mean always feeling it. It would be hard.

[He doesn't judge her for her choice. He wouldn't judge anyone this one.
Just himself.]

[creatio]

i used to think i'd know what was right. but it's just gotten away from me.

[charlieoscar]

It's easy when it's black and white, but most aren't really. The more you look at them, the more you think about it, the more right and more wrong they become.

[creatio]

is it this tiring for anyone else? trying to figure out where the line is when it keeps getting moved?

[charlieoscar]

Anyone who says it isn't is lying. Or shouldn't be making those choices anymore.

[creatio]

yeah, you're right.
not struggling would mean i wasn't the same anymore.

[charlieoscar]

The goal shouldn't be to never be afraid, or never conflicted, but to able to do the best that we can despite it.

[creatio]

huh.
do you write self help books in your spare time?

[charlieoscar]

Just good ol' fashioned kick you in the ass experience.

[creatio]

i don't have my 2+ years experience yet. guess it's unpaid internship of terrible life events for me.

[charlieoscar]

At least it's not boring.