text; un: turntechGodhead

[oculusriffs]

hey so
everyone who was at that job fair thing a while back and didnt zone out five minutes in
did yall ever decide who the official space plumber is
or were there even your standard heroic type jobs on the list
like the purehearted king arthur sorta heroes who can swing by really quick and pull a sword out of a stone
by stone i mean porcelain btw
thats the literal skillset im lookin for here

[Dave wouldn't be bothering with the network if he weren't desperate. everyone else seems to be finding useful things like clothes and weapons that can actually be utilized for self-defense, and he's the jackass over here with a sword that barely even qualifies as a weapon stuck in his toilet.]

[okay, so it wasn't stuck when he first found it sitting there in the toilet. it got stuck through a series of stupid impulse decisions, such as immediately trying to send it out to space via flushing. and since he is no hero, no purehearted King Arthur type, that sord in the throne ain't budging.]

Comments

[hopefragment]

[...

He has so many questions.]

if you can't get it, i probably can't either

why did you flush a sword down the toilet?

[oculusriffs]

you shouldnt underestimate yourself like that dude
for all we know youre like the chosen one
king hinata pendragon
lord of the toilet swords

[you see how he's bullshitting and avoiding answering that question?]

[hopefragment]

i don't think i want a talent like that...

can you like... take apart the pipes or something? to give you another angle to maybe try to push the sword out

[oculusriffs]

[god, could you imagine the hypothetical killing game roundtable of introductions, though.

Chiaki: I'm basically a god at video games!
Hajime: I'm basically a god at pulling swords out of toilets!
camera pans out to show everyone just staring at him

it's beautiful.]

thats actually the best suggestion ive gotten so far
trouble is i dont know who the space plumber is
you were at that meeting too right
do you remember who signed up to be the space plumber

[hopefragment]

[Pull him fresh out of the Talent Tube^TM ready to be the next Mario.]

i don't think anyone volunteered to be space plumber.
i mean, you can't break it any worse than it already is with that thing jammed in it, right?

[Flood your room flood your room--]

[oculusriffs]

[that sounds like a good way to drown in stale space toilet water. why do you want him to die, Hajime!!!]

ok but
if i take your suggestion and break the toilet
is that an invitation to use yours when i need it
btw i dont sleep like ever
and im just full of standard human bodily functions

[hopefragment]

[A Just death for trying to flush such a magnificent collection of jpg artifacts.]

there are how many empty rooms on this station
i think you'll be fine

i mean you can't use the toilet how it is now anyway right

[oculusriffs]

[oh my god, how the turntables — the trollee is trolling the troller. Dave deserves this; it's karma for the space jail spiel.]

man youre a stone cold kinda dude
not even an ounce of sympathy for a guy about to lose his best spot for important business in the house

[hopefragment]

maybe two ounces. don't push your luck

do me a favor and make sure ryuji actually USES the gloves before trying to pull the sord out of the toilet. it'll be hard to crown him king if his hands are stuck together




...what's with the font. i didn't do that

[oculusriffs]

hahahahahaha
man im learnin all sorts of new things today
had no idea its shittiness was that contagious
its like youve got a trashloss virus in your wristband
but yeah ok your advice will be heeded
question though what are you planning on doing with all those mushrooms

[hopefragment]

great. like i needed more weird stuff on this station

i don't think there are any mushrooms on this station. i was just thinking of dumb video game fetch quests since he called me an NPC

but i mean best case scenario is he tries to raid haru's hydroponics garden and she also checks to make sure whatever gloves he finds are safe to use so

[He just thought of the Haru angle just now and he's a little proud of himself for thinking of something so sensible.]

[oculusriffs]

i guess that makes us both npcs then
youre of the fetch quest variety im of the completely stupid quest variety
may as well have asked him to find my lost frying pan or some dumb shit like that
but lemme give you some advice
from one npc to another
this is all about a state of mind
if you staunchly refuse to let the comic sans get to you it wont
just say something like
jesus can we stop with the fancy formatted text bullshit
and really mean it
you should be golden
watch its like this



sord.....

[hopefragment]

as long as we're the npcs who get to make it to the end of the game, i'll take it

...

i think i'll just stop using that word altogether. it seems like the simplest solution. i mean, this is a space station. why are things like that even here?

[oculusriffs]

[Dave is an extremely fast texter when someone has his attention, even when he's pretty far deep into completely idiotic shenanigans. like getting put into a soup by a bunch of crocodiles. or flying around with the mayor. or trying to dislodge a sword from a toilet.]

[so it might seem a little out of place that there's a long pause before he replies. because something Hajime said got to him — there's been enough going on aboard this space station that it's easy for him to forget that even though there is an "end of the game" back home, it's not ever going to be his to experience. he's just another discarded Dave on a dead timeline that was probably, infuriatingly, necessary to perpetuate their own existence.]

[it's also occurred to him that this is probably the closest he'll ever get to hanging around actual people again, and not just a giant army of ghosts and a few outliers who happen to be passing by in their sleep. it completely sucks living or doing whatever here, sure, but it's still its own thing, moving along on its own timeline; he can sense that much. it's not just a hodgepodge of memories for him to wander through until time stops mattering anymore. and that hurts.]

without incriminating myself too much here
dont think the font is the space stations fault
but your helps appreciated dude
ill let you know if we manage to make it work

[hopefragment]

[The pause... is honestly a little odd, but Hajime doesn't think too much of it. He assumes Dave is probably talking to other people, too, or trying to figure out a way to remove the... bladed weapon... before he and Ryuji inevitably glue themselves together.]

yeah, no problem. if you guys DO get stuck to it, i want photographic evidence

good luck