o2. spinning wheels (video; un: burton)

[tumang]

[ The camera filming is the one from the console in the wall of the garden, the one that Haru put together. It shows Amos, fingers brushing along the plants hooked together along the wall. He has a smile on his face, and his touch seems incredibly gentle, his lips parted as he looks at the greenery. ]

Have you ever seen something more amazing? These plants are keeping us alive. Literally. Scrubbing up the air we breathe, putting it back out as something we can use. They take so much work, so much patience, so much knowledge. To keep them alive, help them grow. So amazing.

[ He stops, his face closing up all of a sudden. His jaw ticks with a muscle under the beard, and his hands turn into fists. He pulls away from the wall. It seems like a sudden change in mood, something like a switch has been flipped, all of a sudden. His posture tenses, his eyes start stinging. ]

This place is killing us. It's - it's killed my friend, already. He's more than a friend, really. He's my brother.

[ If you've met Amos, had a chat with him, you might realize that this video is pretty... well, unlike him. He doesn't seem to really recognize that fact, though, looking straight at the camera with his eyes slightly teary. ]

Be careful. This station does shit to us. [ Pause. Amos wipes at his eyes. Sniffles. ] Oh and by the way, guys, it's a station, not a ship. Don't make me say it again.

[ He doesn't sound angry, even when he says this, tired of having to repeat himself. There's a suspicious complete lack of anger throughout the whole entry. ]

Seriously, we need to get off this barge. All of us. If you think there's nothing you can do, I promise you, there is. We gotta work together.

Comments

[tumang]

[ Amos takes a breath through his nose, swallowing. ]

There are no jobs. You end up on lists for your whole life hoping to get an education, and that's when you're legal. If you're born illegally? You're fucked. It's the streets, gangs, whoring. That kind of stuff.

[ He's not looking at Prax anymore, but he hasn't let go of his hand, either. He's wondering if Prax can feel his pulse racing. ]

Some people, like the Cap - they get lucky. They get land and a big family. Most other people don't get the same chances.

[contorta]

Is that— ( but no. he can't ask amos if that's what happened to him. being born illegal, the streets, gangs, whoring. he can't ask because amos isn't himself right now and it would be too much like taking advantage. )

Not Earth, then. ( he says, more firmly than he feels. )

[tumang]

[ Amos doesn't respond, pretending he didn't hear Prax's aborted question. But they both know it, they both know it is. Amos mentioned the squeeze trade to Prax before. ]

Not Earth. I wouldn't forgive myself if we dropped you guys off somewhere you'd be worse off than Ganymede as it is now.

[contorta]

( prax offers a smile. it's brief and it isn't very happy, but it's a smile. )

I don't know how I'll ever thank any of you enough for helping me. ( even if it started out as them using him as much if not more than he was using them, well. it's changed since. )

[tumang]

[ Amos shakes his head, turning to look at Prax again. ]

You don't have to thank me for anything. You don't -

[ He takes a sharp breath, heart beating hard in his chest as his palm slides against Prax's when he shifts, moving to turn his whole body towards the botanist. ]

You think you're not pulling your weight, don't you? On the Roci.

[contorta]

( there's an odd disconnect happening between prax's mind and his body. he notices amos' palm slide against his, the way amos turns to him and his body reacts to that almost automatically, something warm blossoming in his chest — and then at the same time, there's the topic of their conversation. a cold shower in verbal form, almost.

prax shrugs a little helplessly. he doesn't pull his weight, does he? )

[tumang]

[ Amos lets out a noise, like a groan at the back of his throat, coming from low inside of him. ]

You do. You bring something to the crew that we didn't have before, Prax. Or at least, that I didn't have before. Before, I was following Naomi, not really thinking about it. What she says goes, and if what she says aligns with the Captain's purpose, fine. But I didn't care about it very much.

[ He purses his lips, just thinking for a moment. ]

But you - you're giving me a reason to do this.

[contorta]

I don't-

( but prax forces down the protest, forces himself to actually listen to what amos is saying. he doesn't think it constitutes pulling his weight, but —he can't not acknowledge it, either.

though he has to wonder whether amos would still say the same thing if he wasn't —whatever he is right now. )

To care?

[tumang]

[ He probably wouldn't say it in so many words, but Amos wouldn't have an issue admitting that Prax is having a very big influence on him all the same. That he's doing a whole lot to change how Amos is going about his life, every day. ]

To fight the good fight. The way you care, and what you're trying to do, who you're looking for - that's a good reason to keep fighting, and to keep going every day. It's not for nothing. It's for Mei. And that, I think, is a worthwhile purpose.

[contorta]

( it's not something prax realises —not something he realised, at any rate. he's beginning to see that maybe, he's having an influence on the crew of the roci, on amos in particular as much as the crew, as amos is having an influence on him. )

For Mei. ( he mutters, a quiet thing, because of course that's what he gets stuck on. )

[tumang]

For Mei.

[ Amos nods, squeezing his hand around Prax's. ]