Honestly, I hate having to tell it, but it's nice having the chance to do it. [ instead of people hearing 'revan' and knowing exactly who and what he is and what he's done.
but kriff, one question at a time. it's like this kid feels like he has to fire them off all at once in hopes of getting even one answered.
he shifts, folding his arms over the table, brows arching a little as he considers what to answer first. ]
First of all, the balance thing works by being in control of myself pretty much at all times. I also have to be very self-aware, conscious of what I'm pulling from when I use the Force-- what emotions I'm experiencing and how strong they are, that sort of thing. [ he shifts, lips twitching up at the corner. ] The dark, the light.. they're both very much a part of me.
[ the rest.. that's a little more difficult to talk about. he rubs a hand over his mouth, scratching into his short beard, glance distant for a few moments. force, it's all so twisted up. ]
The Order sent a team to kill me-- like other Jedi they'd sent, I-- I would have killed them. But Malak, my apprentice, he saw a chance and betrayed me, firing on the ship I was on at the time. I must have been knocked out, though I don't remember exactly what happened. [ between the head trauma and his patchy memories, he doubts he'll ever entirely remember those last moments. ] --Bastila, the Jedi in charge of the team, convinced the others to let me live, and--you understand, I wasn't awake for any of this, so it's second-hand--brought me back to the temple. They decided I was worth too much, too powerful, to simply kill, and they rightfully thought I could defeat Malak. So they implanted a new personality, made me think I was a Republic soldier.
[ his shoulders lift in a small, uncomfortable shrug, dread and discomfort crawling up his spine, bunching the muscles between his shoulder-blades. ]
It let me find the light again, but it-- It was still rape. I'm grateful that they gave me a second chance, but I realized I couldn't be one of them any longer, between what happened and my own.. unique approach to the Force.
no subject
but kriff, one question at a time. it's like this kid feels like he has to fire them off all at once in hopes of getting even one answered.
he shifts, folding his arms over the table, brows arching a little as he considers what to answer first. ]
First of all, the balance thing works by being in control of myself pretty much at all times. I also have to be very self-aware, conscious of what I'm pulling from when I use the Force-- what emotions I'm experiencing and how strong they are, that sort of thing. [ he shifts, lips twitching up at the corner. ] The dark, the light.. they're both very much a part of me.
[ the rest.. that's a little more difficult to talk about. he rubs a hand over his mouth, scratching into his short beard, glance distant for a few moments. force, it's all so twisted up. ]
The Order sent a team to kill me-- like other Jedi they'd sent, I-- I would have killed them. But Malak, my apprentice, he saw a chance and betrayed me, firing on the ship I was on at the time. I must have been knocked out, though I don't remember exactly what happened. [ between the head trauma and his patchy memories, he doubts he'll ever entirely remember those last moments. ] --Bastila, the Jedi in charge of the team, convinced the others to let me live, and--you understand, I wasn't awake for any of this, so it's second-hand--brought me back to the temple. They decided I was worth too much, too powerful, to simply kill, and they rightfully thought I could defeat Malak. So they implanted a new personality, made me think I was a Republic soldier.
[ his shoulders lift in a small, uncomfortable shrug, dread and discomfort crawling up his spine, bunching the muscles between his shoulder-blades. ]
It let me find the light again, but it-- It was still rape. I'm grateful that they gave me a second chance, but I realized I couldn't be one of them any longer, between what happened and my own.. unique approach to the Force.