reverienet | ( text | un: revan )

The mess hall sounds fine. Now, or do you need some time to meditate on it?

[ honestly, he's relieved. there are some things he wants to get out in the open, anyway, given this kid's prior experiences, and he really doesn't want to get into them over text. ]

Now works. See you there.

[Technically, he chose the mess hall because it's a public space where someone might be discouraged from having a giant Force battle or something. But also cause he's hungry. When Revan finds him, Ezra's picking over some regular non-space waffles.]

We're in space... why don't they have space waffles?

The kriff is a space-waffle?

[ it's not that difficult for force-users to recognize one another, though revan's presence is strangely muted, as if he's keeping it close to his body and tucked away where it's barely noticeable.

what can be sensed of him is definitely a strange, surprisingly harmonious mixing of light and dark energy.

he offers a quick, slightly worn smile, sinking down in the seat opposite the young man and relaxing into it. it's a conscious effort, making himself as harmless-seeming as possible; some people get spooked around him, and he's not taking anything for granted here just because this kid's never heard of him before. ]

So you know I'm Revan. What do you want me to call you?

You know! ... or well, I guess you don't know. It's like this, but actually good.

[Ezra's had no reason to hide his presence, as he assumed anyone who could sense him would already know him. His presence is certainly that of a Jedi, with a strong sense of light. But behind that, there's darkness as well and more than you might expect from a typical light side user.]

Ezra. My name is Ezra Bridger. The Empire's not here, but I figure it can't hurt to keep some secrecy, at least on the holonet. But also it'd be really weird if you called me Palpatine in person.

Nice to meet you, Ezra. [ the circumstances could be better, but-- well, now he understands more about why the kid was interested. ] Admittedly not sure why Palpatine would be weird, but I'll take your word for it.

[ he hesitates, pushing his hair back behind an ear, expression fading tiredly. ]

Look, in the interest of full disclosure, there are some things you need to know before we say anything else. [ he glances briefly back down to his hands, gathering his thoughts. strangely, it's always so much harder when he has to say it. ] I started out in the Order, like I said. [ his glance lifts again, meeting ezra's, the sense of him open and honest. ] It's a long story, but I ended up falling to the dark side. There's a lot I still don't remember and might never remember, but I came back to the Republic as a Sith, started another war.

[ he rubs the heel of his palm over his eyes, pushing back memories that threaten just mentioning it like this. ]

I'm not going to justify it. I might still be one of them if the Jedi hadn't wiped my memories and used me against Malak. But I'm not, and I'm not a Jedi, and you deserve to know, considering your experiences with Sith. Keeping it from you would be as good as lying to you.

Nice to meet you too. And don't worry about it. It's future stuff.

[Which probably makes it sound way more worrying. At least he didn't say that's the name of the Emperor who is also a Sith Lord and like the worst guy ever???

But Ezra listens to him and tries to take it all in. When Revan finishes speaking, he lets out a deep breath.]

Thank... thank you for telling me. That's- that's a lot and I can't imagine it's easy to tell someone that right off the bat, especially some guy claiming to be a Jedi from the future. I have a friend, she left the Order too. Not because she fell to the dark side, but just well actually I don't know the full story? But she's not a Jedi and she's not a Sith either. And she's probably one of the people I trust most in the galaxy. So like... yeah.

But why did the Jedi wipe your memories? And how? And how come you haven't fallen to the dark side again? Or have you? I mean, the balance thing... how does that work?

Honestly, I hate having to tell it, but it's nice having the chance to do it. [ instead of people hearing 'revan' and knowing exactly who and what he is and what he's done.

but kriff, one question at a time. it's like this kid feels like he has to fire them off all at once in hopes of getting even one answered.

he shifts, folding his arms over the table, brows arching a little as he considers what to answer first. ]

First of all, the balance thing works by being in control of myself pretty much at all times. I also have to be very self-aware, conscious of what I'm pulling from when I use the Force-- what emotions I'm experiencing and how strong they are, that sort of thing. [ he shifts, lips twitching up at the corner. ] The dark, the light.. they're both very much a part of me.

[ the rest.. that's a little more difficult to talk about. he rubs a hand over his mouth, scratching into his short beard, glance distant for a few moments. force, it's all so twisted up. ]

The Order sent a team to kill me-- like other Jedi they'd sent, I-- I would have killed them. But Malak, my apprentice, he saw a chance and betrayed me, firing on the ship I was on at the time. I must have been knocked out, though I don't remember exactly what happened. [ between the head trauma and his patchy memories, he doubts he'll ever entirely remember those last moments. ] --Bastila, the Jedi in charge of the team, convinced the others to let me live, and--you understand, I wasn't awake for any of this, so it's second-hand--brought me back to the temple. They decided I was worth too much, too powerful, to simply kill, and they rightfully thought I could defeat Malak. So they implanted a new personality, made me think I was a Republic soldier.

[ his shoulders lift in a small, uncomfortable shrug, dread and discomfort crawling up his spine, bunching the muscles between his shoulder-blades. ]

It let me find the light again, but it-- It was still rape. I'm grateful that they gave me a second chance, but I realized I couldn't be one of them any longer, between what happened and my own.. unique approach to the Force.

I'm sorry. I know that doesn't change anything, doesn't help, but I am sorry. I don't... I don't know why the Jedi would do something like that, even to a Sith. I wouldn't want to be a part of a Jedi Order like that either and I hope that... I hope that our future Order can do better than that. Better than the one of your time, and better than the one before my own time.

[Which kinda makes him remember something he doesn't think about too often. That the Order might depend on him in the future. Both Master Yoda and Master Kenobi seemed uninterested in getting involved in the war, but what about after that? Kanan was gone, Ahsoka wasn't a Jedi, and back home he was basically gone too.]

Is it difficult? The balance. For you, I mean. I thought... there was a time when I thought the key to defeating the Sith would be through using the dark alongside the light. But that didn't go so well. I almost lost myself completely.

Hey-- No, Ezra-- [ he hesitates, hands twitching as if he wants to reach out, then stilling again. instead, there's a gentle force-nudge a moment later, revan's presence in the force unfurling in scant degrees. even in that small amount, it's apparent why the order wanted to keep him around: there's a lot of power just underneath the surface. the kind of power that is no doubt what sent the republic staggering to its knees. ] Listen, I'm not trying to badmouth the Order. I don't agree with them anymore, but they do good work. They do, and they have, and they will. They didn't.. have a lot of options with me.

[ he rubs his hands over his face, heaving a sigh. ] I'm not justifying it, because there's no justifying it, no more than you can justify the things that I did. But their ranks were pretty thin, and there's a certain poetic justice to it, I guess.. sending Darth Revan to tear down the empire he'd built.

[ he knows it still weighs on bastila, too, every night he wakes up screaming, lost in something half-remembered.

he's glad of the subject change, carefully relaxing the tension in his back and shoulders, letting himself focus on ezra. ]

It's difficult, [ he admits gently. ] Maybe not as difficult as it would be for you, though, because I've already been lost to the darkness. I know it a lot more intimately than you do, and that's.. not exactly a good thing.

I guess. [He frowns, and it's the frown of a stubborn teenager who refuses to admit that this goes beyond just him. Because-] But I still want to do better. I know we can.

[Still, he'll drop it. With his strength in the Force being his talent to connect, it's a little overwhelming for him and he imagines it's even worse for Revan.]

I'm glad I wasn't lost, you know, I mean that's obvious... and I trust the decisions my master made, but I also. I still wonder what would have happened if I was stronger. [The loss of Kanan still tugs at him, as does the loss of his parents. As much as he can try to let it all go, it's a long process and one easier said than done.] I felt stronger when I used the dark side. But that's also the thing, I guess. Quick results and the promise of power and all that.

You can, and if the Jedi are gone, then you can begin again from the bottom. [ he steals the fork off ezra's plate, spearing a piece of the waffle and plucking it off the tines and popping it into his mouth. ] You can make it stronger and better. You can choose to teach a balanced approach to the Force if you wish. It's going to be a great deal of work, but it can be done.

[ and it's up to ezra and other people like ezra to make of it what they will. create a new jedi order, or begin something altogether new.

but in the meantime, he needs to survive. ]

Quick results, power, yes. Those things can be useful, as long as you can control yourself, as long as you know when to step back, when to give up that power. [ he laces his fingers together, frowning thoughtfully. ] There is a dark thread in you, but.. it's only a thread right now. It doesn't have to be more than that.

You could've just asked, you know. [He's gonna float it back over because he can.] But yeah, all that depends on me actually getting back to our galaxy. Which should probably be our focus now, huh?

[And then once he's back, finding his way at least back to the Outer Rim. Little hard to reestablish the Jedi when you're floating somewhere in space with a bunch of purrgil.]

I don't want it to be more than that. Or I don't think I want it to be more than that, at least for now. I don't know. I was just curious, I guess. If using both sides was actually possible.

But uh, completely unrelated, does Malachor mean anything to you? I thought we could try and figure out where you're from or when you're from on my timeline.

[ he starts to respond, but then ezra mentions malachor and revan goes white-faced. there's a silent moment, two, fingers tightening around one another, knuckles strained, nails digging into his hands.

finally, he takes a breath in through his nose. ]

I know Malachor. I.. [ he unfolds his hands, pressing the palms together, fingertips against his mouth. ] It's my fault it was.. ruined. [ he hadn't given the order, but he's no less responsible. it's his fault the weapon was created in the first place. it's his fault it was there. it's his fault that-- everyone on the surface, everyone--republic soldier, jedi, mandalorian--was killed. ] Is it-- [ he takes another breath, carefully calm, glance flicking back up to ezra. ] Does anything live there any longer..?

[Maybe... he shouldn't have just jumped right into that. But it's the only point of reference he really has and he hadn't really thought through what it would've been like to live that. For him, it was all kind of mystical and far away, a history that he was barely a part of.]

I don't think so. Sorry. I don't know the timing exactly, but that was thousands of years ago.

[At the very least, if Malachor hadn't happened he could've been from even further in the past? Thousands and thousands of years ago?]

I've been there. To the old Sith Temple. That's where I met Maul, the Sith Lord I mentioned before. And I found a Sith holocron there too, and... started learning from it. That was almost... 2 years ago, I guess? A year and a half? I mean, I only used the holocron for about 6 months, but still.

( text | un: revan )

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