reverienet | text | un: hudie

[NO SHE WANTED TO WAIT too late it's there. Augh.

Put like that, it sounds vulgar. Getting drunk together is what businessmen do. Getting drunk alone is what very, very sad people do. Getting drunk underage is just kind of dirty and unspeakable, and plenty of things about Erika's life are loserly and distasteful and the kind of thing people talk about in whispers while not looking her in the eye but this strikes a different note entirely.

(None of that really applies to Venus, though, first of all because Erika's never had much trouble reconciling the online and the offline and this day-drinker seems to her like an appendage of the network's bold Aphrodite, the coin that peppers her comments with smileys on one side and not-so-subtly tells people to go fuck themselves on the other. Second, because she's got wings and eyes all over, which gives Erika the impression of a Digimon, and Digimon follow their own, wilder set of rules. There's a divide between this world and that world, and obviously it's wide enough to sit on with a foot in each realm given the number of people who build their lives around doing so, but this dingy bar just screams realside a little too loudly for comfort.)

Swimming, swimming thoughts.]

That's kind of depressing. [Not the...specific thing, but the whole train of thought related to that, that that's what it feels like and lots of people do that and what does it say about, like, life in general...and the train of thought collapses itself into one judgy sentence. Whoops.] I'm probably not going to like it. [WHOOPS. God. Okay. Erika resolves to get over herself, and gives Venus a closer look, easing to her presence now that she has a bit of a sense of what she does. She meets the eyes all over her wings and examines them, mouth thin and gaze intent, scraping up the sight with a methodical curiosity.] Do you see with all of them at once?

[ maybe getting drunk together is for businessmen when you're old. but when you're underage, when you're still figuring out who you are and how you fit into a world that doesn't want you, getting drunk together means something a little more than that. it's distasteful, and it's not what good people do, and it's everything venus could want when it comes to getting to know people. she shakes her head fervently at erika's first statement. ]

No way! It's like... I'm always so worried? About so much. And then suddenly, I'm not, and I can just. Talk to people, and tell them how cool they are? [ she turns, flashing a smile - a real, honest-to-god smile. ] Like you. You're like... way cooler than me? Like, the whole quiet beauty type.

[ if venus intended that to be flirty, she certainly doesn't look like it. she's smiling, and not blushing, and definitely not having a panic moment over the stupid shit that just left her mouth. ]

And yeah, totally. [ she flexes one wing, raising it a few feet before switching to the other - and with a great deal of effort, she closes and opens the eyes on each one. ] It's weird? I probably shouldn't be able to make sense of it. But it's like... I don't know. I guess it's like this is how I should be seeing? Does that make sense?

[That parses. Until it doesn't.

This is someone else's conversation. Panicked indignation doesn't jump to rescue her from the mishap. Erika just sits, feeling stunned and kind of bad and waiting for the mistake to pass and be forgotten.

An escape hatch waggles at her, coyly.]

Yeah. That's how modding - VR, virtual reality avatar modding works the same way. The sensory map can have nonstandard inputs and the user doesn't notice the discrepancy until reconciliation at logout. Generally. In realtime it feels natural because the real-world frame of reference isn't involved in forming memories of the experience. Once the memories are ported back to the brain, the information is preserved, but it's corrected until readable. So what usually happens is ability to recall individual moments or pieces of information but not the experience as a whole.

[She fidgets absently with her hands, rubbing one thumb over the other thumb's nail and continuing to watch Venus' wings instead of her face.

Maybe if she keeps talking they'll get further and further away from the thing she wants to ignore, Erika thinks, pausing to scramble for more information.]

[ venus watches her expectantly, waiting for her to respond. and suddenly, she does.

she tries to understand what's being said. she really, truly does. but the words "sensory map" gets dropped, and she just sort of... nods along with wide eyes. any hope she might have had of understanding what erika's talking about, even with context, just sort of. flies out the window. when erika takes a break to think, venus offers: ]

I think you know more about how I see than I do. By like, a lot. [ she taps her own fingers against the bar top, trying to figure out what else she could possibly contribute here. ] That's a programming thing, right? What you're talking about.

[Ah.

Oh.

That was a bad idea, wasn't it.

Erika lays her head on the bar, sideways and facing in Venus' direction.]

I can stop. I just don't have anything else that's interesting to talk about.

No! I refuse. Both to let you stop and to believe that.

[ it's a surprising interjection, coming from venus - much more direct than she usually lets herself get. but she can't help it: she's drunk, and she's excited to meet erika, and she has no self-restraint whatsoever. ]

Keep talking. Unless you don't want to? In which case, um... I'll think of something. A game. [ god. she's the worst person to do this. she just kind of wants to play euchre??? ] Maybe I can ask Neptune.

[WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT. WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT

Erika makes a frustrated noise and kind of slaps her hand on the bar, except not because she remembers not to do shit like that halfway through the slap so she just pats the bar instead.]

It's not a favor. If it's just, if you just let me talk so I can talk, it's boring. And it ends up being on my shoulders, that it's all [what the fuck is the word] messed up. I'm not stupid? So don't try to do...that. It's the worst.

[She wonders where the fuck that came from, searches her memory of the last minute or so, and finds no apparent points of error. It's weird, and she kind of wants to tell Venus to forget it, but pattern analysis suggests it is entirely too late for that, so she just clams up and lets it be instead.]

Oh my god. It's only a favor to me though?? I'm too awkward to come up with actual conversation topics, so I just sort of let other people talk. Unless they need someone to laugh at, I mean. I'm good at being laughed at.

[ venus that is the single most depressing thing you've said on the goddamn station. ]

Okay, though. Um. Hm. [ yeah, she's coming up blank. ] Do you know any drinking games? I only know, like. Truth or Dare and Seven Minutes in Heaven.

[ and she's only known those for like... just over two weeks. ]

[......wow. Hmm.]

...Sorry.

[For, just, minorly blowing up like that. It feels nice to apologize. Usually it's this ugly knot of stubbornness and resentment that refuses to come loose, but Venus is kind of easy to apologize to. Would that be a compliment? Ugh.

Or maybe it's the - you know what, that's where the sense of deja vu comes from. This feels a lot like getting drugged up after that last treatment, and that's the realization that makes Erika reach for the glass and pull it over, thinking, yeah, she can handle and/or enjoy another layer of this.]

I'm not kissing anyone. [Just uhhhh putting that out there.] And I wouldn't be able to think of any dares.

[....

drinks the second shot HRRRRRGGG]

Huh? Oh. Haha, it's fine. [ and she totally means it, too. it's not like she has a grudge to hold here - she understands how erika feels a little too well. venus continues on without hesitation. ] Anyway, kissing is probably a bad idea? I'd have to ask my girlfriends if it was okay.

[ that's what gets a pause out of her, though. are they... girlfriends?? she sort of assumes, since they all stay in the same room and make out and things like that, but also that's. kind of a big assumption to make? she trails off in though, finally shaking her head and getting back into the conversation. ]

I guess we could just ask each other questions?

[Girlfriends? Erika mooshes her forehead against the bar to deal with the second shot, which was also FUCKING AWFUL, and wonders once more what she's gotten herself into.

Not in a worrying way, though. It's kind of interesting to be doing something so radically different from usual. It makes the world seem more immediate.

She sets the glass away at an arm's length, because that is the last of that shit, please.]

...Okay. But we get to turn questions down if we want.

[She's doing this? She's doing this. She's giving the pressure valve a turn or two. Whoosh.]

That's probably for the best, actually? I don't really know what questions are too far. I just kind of ask? So, you know.

[ let that pressure out, erika! let it out so it doesn't fucking explode. venus pushes her shotglass away in a similar motion, mainly to avoid the temptation to already take a third shot. ]

So, um... Hm. Would you rather stub your toe once a day, or cut it off?

[ venus what the fuck ]

[A noise splutters up out of Erika that's probably a laugh, though there's no smile to accompany it, just a hard blink.]

Stub it, definitely. [No hesitation.]

What... [Her first question was going to be about the wings, but it feels weird following something so odd up with something so personal.] ...Favorite book genre.

Edited 2018-05-21 01:45 (UTC)

Same, honestly? I read that in a book once. "100 Awesome Icebreakers!" They all kind of sucked, though. Which is kind of misleading??

[ she giggles a bit back. sorry, erika! she's not sure if it's a laugh or not, but she's definitely going to assume it is for now. it's just easier that way- OH, SHE'S BEING ASKED A QUESTION?? SHIT ONE SEC- ]

Uhh. I would have said sci-fi before we woke up here? Haha. [ that laugh sounds. a lot less amused than before. ] But honestly, I guess I don't really know? My parents weren't really huge on me reading that kind of stuff.

Hmm. [She crosses her arms on the bar and resettles her head on them.] What kind of sci-fi did you read?

There was one book where someone jumped around in time? It was like, a super-dystopian future. And I think in the end they went back in time and saw Jesus, and it was supposed to be like, Christianity was the answer all along? Which was kind of dumb, but hey, time-travel.

[ the longer this goes, the more of a trend you're going to notice, erika. venus blinks, looks down to her shotglass, then back up to erika with a shit-eating grin on her face. ]

Oh my god. You got a second question out of me? [ she laughs, high and only a little embarrassed. ] Okay. Okay, my turn, um... Is there anyone on the station you would want to kiss?

[ it's sort of a spur-of-the-moment question. listen, she didn't have anything better planned! she's sort of winging it!! ]

[Erika's understanding of Christianity is spotty on the practicalities and mostly related to historical context for European philosophers and scientists, ie: enough to be aware that she has no fucking clue what that is supposed to mean. It's filed away for future reference.]

I wasn't counting. You can take two. [HMM. She wrinkles her nose a little.] I don't think so.

[ what a coincidence! venus's understanding of christianity is really good, except it's christianity in a world that makes NO FUCKING SENSE and EVERYTHING IS REAL AND NOT METAPHOR so??? they're basically on equal terms??? ]

Only if you're sure. [ that's kind of disappointing to hear! but not really. she's under no obligation to smooch anyone?? so this time she gives a bit more thought, and when a question finally pops up she's just drunk enough to go for it. she extends her wings a little behind her, giving them a small flap - just enough to draw erika's attention - before she asks. ] What do you think of my wings? They're not, like, freaking you out, are they?

[Erika's kind of glad that she didn't press for detail, because now Erika's peering at the underbelly of that question and all she can find is a bunch of muddled mush that she'd be hard-pressed to draw out into coherent reasons. Are there good-looking people around? Sure. Would she want to kiss them? She doesn't think so. Hmm.

She'd still be engrossed in thinking through it if not for that wingflap, which does its job and makes Erika lift her head and watch them blink and flutter.] They're not...no. You don't seem bothered, so they don't bother me. [Head thumps back down onto her arms.] I mean, they're weird, but there's no point in staying surprised by them. It's a waste of energy to not adapt.

Really? I think they're kind of cool. [ okay venus you're sort of biased though?? ] I'm glad you're getting used to them, though. I'd rather people not worry about them.

[ and then, helpfully- ] It's your question.

They can be weird and cool. [ANYWAYS let her think. Dot dot dot. Oh wait right her old question...]

Speaking of your wings. What...do they make you? Human? Or are you something else?

Huh? Oh my god. Did I not tell you??

[ she is too drunk to remember. or maybe... she is not drunk enough?? she pours another shot, slamming it down (and making a noise like a drowning parrot as it goes). when she's finally got a bit more liquid courage in her, she spins in her chair to face erika directly. ]

I am the devil. [ she claps her hands together - bites her bottom lip. ] Okay, so. I was sort of human at one point? I mean, I guess I'm still sort of human. Like, I probably need to eat and stuff? I'm not really sure. But- I'm not human anymore. I know that much.

[ she doesn't seem torn up over it. she seems pretty goddamn happy, actually. ]

[She opens her mouth for a moment to ask whether Venus should be doing that, then thinks better of it and closes it.

And then watches, head still pillowed on her arms as though sitting upright is just too much effort, and thinks. She seems to be well over the eye contact or being-seen-looking issue, staring in that patient, processing, distantly fascinated way that she excels at normally and apparently specializes even further in when intoxicated. There are some profound discrepancies here between the concept being laid out and Erika's understanding of some of the terminology involved, but then again, that just happens sometimes.

Eyes. A world of eyes, seeing, data pouring in. Cacophony; white noise.]

It's not uncomfortable?

[It sounds like a lot. Sorry, looks like a lot. Both/either/neither.]

Edited 2018-05-21 06:10 (UTC)

Huh? [ she's three shots in and goes for the last thing she remembers being discussed. ] No, they're like... really nice? Incredibly nice. It's like I have four arms now, but I can use all of them. And two of them are super long, and i've got like. Sheets on them or something? But it's feathers.

[ venus that was a lot of information for a question she didn't actually ask you. ]

[Nodding along, even though she's starting to feel a little Weird about the descriptions. She imagines a couple of possible replies and fails to say any of them because they're all kind of mediocre.]

That's good. Sometimes it's just. [Where was that sentence going? It's gone. Must not have been important. Erika kicks the underside of the bar.]

It's your turn. Venus.

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