reverienet | text; un: turntechGodhead

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text; un: turntechGodhead

hey so
everyone who was at that job fair thing a while back and didnt zone out five minutes in
did yall ever decide who the official space plumber is
or were there even your standard heroic type jobs on the list
like the purehearted king arthur sorta heroes who can swing by really quick and pull a sword out of a stone
by stone i mean porcelain btw
thats the literal skillset im lookin for here

[Dave wouldn't be bothering with the network if he weren't desperate. everyone else seems to be finding useful things like clothes and weapons that can actually be utilized for self-defense, and he's the jackass over here with a sword that barely even qualifies as a weapon stuck in his toilet.]

[okay, so it wasn't stuck when he first found it sitting there in the toilet. it got stuck through a series of stupid impulse decisions, such as immediately trying to send it out to space via flushing. and since he is no hero, no purehearted King Arthur type, that sord in the throne ain't budging.]

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Roxy?

[precious?]

[....]

[Dave can definitely process one of those things. if there was someone he was gonna look like, and if that someone wasn't Dirk, then ... that must mean that Roxy is —]

My mom?

Ah, yes, I... think that's how it works!

[Jake still doesn't have a solid grasp of this whole thing but he understands well enough that he and Jade are related, just like he and Jane and John are apparently related. It stands to reason it works the same for the others.]

Her hair does the little fluff thing.

[he pats at the fluff of hair again, thinking. Dave doesn't smile exactly, but there's also something about the way he's standing there silently that seems ... almost pleased? it hadn't really occurred to him until he briefly saw her sleep-floating in that one dream bubble how much he likes the idea of having a mom. he probably won't be lucky enough to meet her again, he doesn't think, but at least they have a hair fluff in common, when he doesn't have the means to trim his hair.]

[Dave doesn't have much point of reference for what his pre-scratch mom was like, aside from what Rose has said about her — and her point of view has been a bit all over the place over the years. still, it always seemed so obvious to him how much their mom cared about Rose, and he's come to realize that it's something he's always secretly been jealous of.]

[but he lowers his hand, the toilet predicament forgotten for now.]

What's she like?

[Jake puts his hands in his pockets, thinking how best to describe her. He wants to make sure it's the best description, though he doesn't think it's hard to make her sound good. It's not that. He wants to give Dave something real and true. It's his mom, after all, and he looks... well, he has to learn how to read Dave still but he thinks he's happy.]

Well... she's a really spunky, energetic sort. She'll talk your ear off but in a good way. She likes cats and science and being an elite hacker and wizards and writing and video games...

[That doesn't feel like a good enough description.] She um, had a bit of a problem with the sauce... but you know, she realised it and kicked the habit. Quit cold turkey. She wants to be the best self she can be. She really loves all of us and wants to be a good friend to us. She doesn't like seeing us down. She hates disappointing us, too. But um, she'll voice her opinions, too! She's not afraid to say what she feels and she sure as heck feels a lot. She's brave and funny and smart as a whip. She's generous, too, looks out for people and just... [He trails off, searching for the perfect words but he doesn't know if they exist. It's not that she's perfect but she's much better than she ever gave herself credit for. Someone has to give her that credit.] I dunno, she's a sweet gal. The kind of person you can be proud to say is your friend or, um, relative, too. She has her faults but... she'd give you her left arm if it would make you smile.

[man, he knew it — he knew the obsession with wizards wasn't just something she did to mock Rose, like Rose had initially thought. that was all completely genuine, wasn't it?]

[Dave's always been a bit more prone to smiles compared to Dirk, so maybe it isn't all that surprising that the ghost of one is forming while Jake speaks. he wishes there had been a way to wake her, back then. he has so many questions.]

She sounds like fun to be around. I've got other things I wanna ask, but I dunno, maybe they're best left for her, if we ever cross paths.

Thanks for telling me a little bit, though. [there's no hidden meaning or anything there. that's nothing but genuine gratefulness.]

[It surprises him a little to see it but then again, even if he's Dirk's kid — which is still a weird thing to think — if he's got Roxy in him, too, then it'd be impossible for him not to smile sometimes. Jake smiles, too.]

Um, no problem, chum! I mean... she's my friend, so I'm happy to talk about her, too.

[chum, lol. this guy sort of sounds like he's straight out of the '20s. which makes sense, since he's technically Jade's grandpa, and he's heard stories about his adventures. or wait, isn't dad the actual correct term here?]

[ectobiology is stupid.]

I don't mind hearing more stories, if you've got them. So you're all friends, then?

Umm, yeah! I mean, I hope we still are. [He realises how that sounds and waves his hands.] Sorry, there was a lot going on for us despite the session being so dull. Or maybe because of it?

[Maybe if they'd had a real objective they could have pulled together. But then again, those issues would have still been there. A slow simmer might not have been much better.]

But we all grew up relying on each other. Dirk was all on his lonesome minus his manmade company. Roxy had those funny little alien fellows but they don't seem to have been the best of pals. More like polite associates. Jane had her dad! But with all the assassination attempts, she had to keep on her toes. And um, well, I had to stay put on an island by myself. But we had each other. Um, and these alien friends who connected us in the first place! [He smiles, soft as he thinks.] We would send each other movies or music... we did convoluted gift exchanges when we could round up the manpower for it. It was tough! But really fun, too.

[if Dave ever figures out that he means the carapacians when he says "funny little alien fellows," then Jake should immediately expect to be educated on how the mayor is not only the best of pals, but he's basically the best thing that ever existed.]

Aside from things like assassination attempts and polite associates, that doesn't sound too far off from what it was like for me and my friends. Took a while for the aliens to become friends, though.

But, Jane? [hm.]

Oh, you mean John's hot mom.

[DAVE STRIDER.]

[That. Flusters him a little. Look, he doesn't want to date Jane but he does have eyes? There is truly no denying that she is attractive.]

Ah, yes, she's quite the fetching young lass, isn't she? But yes, John was her dear old Poppop Crocker, a fine comedian all stitched up even after his unfortunate death. Though if I recall, Lil' Seb holed up in him for a while too.

[there's a brief moment, where the words "fetching young lass" hit him and he just stands there, eyes wide behind his shades, realizing that he did, in fact, say "John's hot mom" out loud. oh god dammit, he did it again!]

I mean. [yeah, no dude, you're not escaping this one. but Jake changes the subject so easily, it's just as easy for him to go ahead and roll along with it.]

[and you know what? they're both right. Jane Crocker is the genuine article, a stone cold, complete babe of a hot mom. text it.]

Wait, what the hell is a Lil' Seb?

[Proud of Dave for internally admitting to his hot mom fetish.]

Oh! It's a lil' rabbit robot that Dirk built for her! One year for her birthday, we all got her stuffed bunnies. But Dirk didn't have one, so he built one. He was a feisty sort.

[Dave's doing his best!]

We did that one time for John's birthday, too — but then they turned out to be the same bunny caught in a time loop.

I think ours might've been the same deal... I don't know if Dirk's was, though. I never asked. But huh, that's so funny. Who's idea was it for you guys? It was mine!

Hard to say — mine, I guess. I gave him the bunny from Con Air for his birthday, and Rose gave him a version that was knitted, or something.

And then, going off of what Karkat's told me, both versions got sent to the past thanks to an impromptu recreation of that dumb scene from Con Air. Said he saw the whole thing.

Kinda fuzzy on the time loop details after that, but me and Rose did wind up with some sort of uber bunny on Derse.

I did help Jade make a special bunny at one point! He was armed to the teeth. So maybe that was him? I'm not sure what happened to that little fellow in the end. It was... bad timing. Boy howdy that was a busy day.

Oh. I thought her name was Liv Tyler.

Well, anyway, she blew up.

[Dave, you could have at least tried to be tactful about telling Jake about a fallen comrade.]

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text; un: turntechGodhead

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