text; un: turntechGodhead

[oculusriffs]

hey so
everyone who was at that job fair thing a while back and didnt zone out five minutes in
did yall ever decide who the official space plumber is
or were there even your standard heroic type jobs on the list
like the purehearted king arthur sorta heroes who can swing by really quick and pull a sword out of a stone
by stone i mean porcelain btw
thats the literal skillset im lookin for here

[Dave wouldn't be bothering with the network if he weren't desperate. everyone else seems to be finding useful things like clothes and weapons that can actually be utilized for self-defense, and he's the jackass over here with a sword that barely even qualifies as a weapon stuck in his toilet.]

[okay, so it wasn't stuck when he first found it sitting there in the toilet. it got stuck through a series of stupid impulse decisions, such as immediately trying to send it out to space via flushing. and since he is no hero, no purehearted King Arthur type, that sord in the throne ain't budging.]

Comments

@skull

[ryuji]

You finally did it, huh

[oculusriffs]

did what
tried to flush something down the toilet without telling you first

[ryuji]

I'm super effin hurt

It's like a stab straight through, clean

No, man, I was talkin about clogging it

WAIT, YOUR BEDROOM AINT FLOODED IS IT?

@polaris

[mutants]

For those of us who just woke up
What the hell is this *list* people keep talking about?

[oculusriffs]

it was a random list of space jobs that just appeared
you know like space plumber
or space dishwasher or space slacker
pretty sure you could even be space pope
doesnt really matter long as its got space in front of the title

[yeah, Dave didn't actually look at the list for more than a minute or two. he's probably not much help, sorry.]

when it first showed up it caused all sorts of space drama

[mutants]

[ yeup she remembers the early days of helming a bunch of badly cobbled together panicky freakshows ]

Glad I missed it

If I get the sword out do I get to keep it?

un: hinatahajime

[hopefragment]

hang on, let me get this straight
you... clogged a toilet
with a sword?

[oculusriffs]

thats about the long and short of it yup
so what do you think
are you a bad enough dude to pull a sword out of a throne

[hopefragment]

[...

He has so many questions.]

if you can't get it, i probably can't either

why did you flush a sword down the toilet?

un: golgothasTerror

[potentite]

Maybe if you broke it in half first.
I once saw an episode of tiny toons wherein a youngster discovered the limitations of toilet technology and while this may be the future there are probably only so many ways to improve the porcelain throne.
So maybe it needs to be broken up first.

[oculusriffs]

break the sword you mean
i already tried that
unfortunately the thing is literally too shitty to break
i say that as someone who is in the personal business of snapping swords like kitkat bars
i guess i could try breaking the toilet too though

[potentite]

Thats the ticket!
Just use the power of shittiness to break it free!
If its so shitty it cant break maybe it can break other things.
Though i guess wed be down a toilet.
But thats an easy sacrifice.

un: pippithrowstocking

[hating]

try not using a sword in the latrine first

[ that took her twenty minutes to type. just for you, dave. ]

[oculusriffs]

[he's so touched, Morgana!! i can't believe they're already such good friends.]

thanks for the advice
wont happen again
so why exactly are you throwing your stockings miss pippi

[hating]

[ ten minutes later... ]

explain please

[ text | un: oswin ]

[oddbod]

[What.]

I'm almost afraid to clarify, but this is an actual sword and not a euphemism we're dealing with, yeah?

[oculusriffs]

['what' is a completely valid and expected reaction.]

nah my euphemisms are way more transparent than that
heavy handed but still pregnant with double meaning
congratulations its twins
im talking about a literal sword here
i mean its the worst sword in existence but it still just barely fits the definition

[oddbod]

What exactly makes a sword the worst sword?

[She's imagining it's broken, or something, which really would still be somewhat useful in a fight.

... Not that she knows from experience.]

As long as it's got a point end to stick people with you can still use it, right?

audio; un: alucard

[reposing]

Why did you waste a perfectly good sword like that, more importantly.

[oculusriffs]

You're free to stop by and check out why "perfectly" and "good" are the last words you should be using to describe this particular sword.

Pretty sure I couldn't even slice bread with this thing.

[reposing]

Can it not be sharpened?

@CROW

[uragiru]

You know...
If it's literally stuck, I don't think simply pulling will help?
Shouldn't we be more strategic about this...?

[oculusriffs]

yeah probably
got any sweet strategies you feel like sharing

un: timaeusTestified

[splinten]

[no let's look at what's important here]

Holy shit, you found a sword??

[HE WANTS A SWORD]

[oculusriffs]

[that's not an unreasonable wish! unfortunately the fairy godghosts on this station are so, so cruel. :(]

yeah but youre spelling it wrong
theres only one proper way to refer to this unbelievable piece of shit
and thats sord.....