o2. spinning wheels (video; un: burton)

[tumang]

[ The camera filming is the one from the console in the wall of the garden, the one that Haru put together. It shows Amos, fingers brushing along the plants hooked together along the wall. He has a smile on his face, and his touch seems incredibly gentle, his lips parted as he looks at the greenery. ]

Have you ever seen something more amazing? These plants are keeping us alive. Literally. Scrubbing up the air we breathe, putting it back out as something we can use. They take so much work, so much patience, so much knowledge. To keep them alive, help them grow. So amazing.

[ He stops, his face closing up all of a sudden. His jaw ticks with a muscle under the beard, and his hands turn into fists. He pulls away from the wall. It seems like a sudden change in mood, something like a switch has been flipped, all of a sudden. His posture tenses, his eyes start stinging. ]

This place is killing us. It's - it's killed my friend, already. He's more than a friend, really. He's my brother.

[ If you've met Amos, had a chat with him, you might realize that this video is pretty... well, unlike him. He doesn't seem to really recognize that fact, though, looking straight at the camera with his eyes slightly teary. ]

Be careful. This station does shit to us. [ Pause. Amos wipes at his eyes. Sniffles. ] Oh and by the way, guys, it's a station, not a ship. Don't make me say it again.

[ He doesn't sound angry, even when he says this, tired of having to repeat himself. There's a suspicious complete lack of anger throughout the whole entry. ]

Seriously, we need to get off this barge. All of us. If you think there's nothing you can do, I promise you, there is. We gotta work together.

Comments

[tumang]

Just admiring your handiwork. I don't want to ruin anything.

[ It's sincere. ]

Everything okay? You look worried.

[contorta]

It wasn't all my doing.

( the garden had been haru's idea, after all, and she'd set it up before prax had ever arrived. or woken up. whichever one of the two is correct.

his smile twists a little. ) I am worried. Are you feeling all right?

[tumang]

[ Amos raises an eyebrow. ]

A little all over the place, I guess.

[ Which makes sense. He's realizing that he's not really acting like himself right now, what with everyone worrying about him all of a sudden. ]

Not in a bad way. Is it bad?

[contorta]

It's not bad if you're feeling all right.

( but —it is kind of bad. it's bad in that amos isn't acting like himself and that's what worries prax. ) You're not acting badly, but you're not acting like yourself, either.

[tumang]

Do you dislike it?

[ The question is earnest, because Amos always wants Prax's approval. I's one of these things he hasn't thought about before, didn't think he cared, but. He does. ]

Do you like me when I'm myself?

[contorta]

( it feels a little bit like talking to a child, which is not something prax ever thought he'd associate with amos. it's —disconcerting. it makes it all too apparent how much he relies on amos being, well, amos, too. )

I like you when you're yourself.

[tumang]

[ Amos isn't sure he likes it, either. He dislikes the uncertainty, the sudden need for approval, for Prax to be pleased with him. He's not a kid - he's a grown man, confident, able. He shouldn't need this. ]

Okay. Then I'm sorry I'm not, right now.

[contorta]

( amos doesn't usually need this, but prax finds that he can't deny him now. doesn't want to. even if this freaks him out a little, this isn't bad. )

Do you like the way you are right now? Because then I like it, too.

( it's fine. it's —this might be easier face to face. easier, or a lot worse. prax isn't sure, but ) Do you want some company? ( either way, he's not sure amos should be alone right now. )

[tumang]

I don't know.

[ He doesn't. His head feels... messy. He's usually good at keeping everything in little boxes, thinking things through. Right now, everything feels jumbled. ]

Sure. Obs deck?

[ He feels like stargazing. ]

[contorta]

I'll see you there.

( and true to his word, prax shows up on the observation deck a few minutes later, looking around for amos. )

[tumang]

[ Amos is there, sitting on one of the benches that look out at the bay windows. He is a little slouched, comfortable, looking at the stars ahead of them, wishing he knew what they were, where they were.

He spots Prax walking in and turns to him, smiles. ]

Hey. I got some food from the mess hall on my way.

[ He waves a protein bar at Prax. ]

[contorta]

( amos looks comfortable, at least, and seeing him smiling eases something inside prax's chest at the same time as another part clenches painfully. amos isn't often open with his smiles; prax already knows that much for all he hasn't been with the crew of the roci for that long. )

I wish the food tasted better.

( but the moment the words are out, he presses his lips together, wanting to take them back. it seems— ungrateful, almost. at least they have food. it's more than so many of those left on ganymede have. )

[tumang]

[ Amos nods. He gets it - he doesn't exactly love the food either, misses Alex's cooking, but one has to make do, which is something both he and Prax are used to doing.

He motions for Prax to sit by his side, leaning back against the bench. ]

I know. I miss the Roci's galley. I miss the Roci, really.

[contorta]

( amos gestures and prax settles in next to him, close enough that he thinks he can feel the heat of amos' body. he's not sure he isn't imagining it. )

I miss Ganymede. ( he admits after a moment. ) The way it was before the mirrors fell.

[tumang]

[ Amos nods, leaning in against Prax a little, shoulder to shoulder, knee to knee. ]

Yeah.

[ He's quiet for a moment, before he purses his lips, squinting at the stars ahead of them. ]

Bobbie remembers more than I do. Than we do. So I asked her, if we found Mei.

[contorta]

She told me she hasn't seen her.

( it comes out soft. not resigned, but— tired. )

[tumang]

Yeah, she said we were on our way to Io.

[ Amos blinks, turning to look at the side of Prax's face. He reaches out, hand curling around Prax's wrist. ]

We're on our way to find her, back home. You're not giving up.

[contorta]

I'm not.

( it's a statement. it's mostly a statement. he's not giving up. it's a bit of a question, too.

he glances down at amos' hand curling around his wrist, shifting his own arm a little to make it easier for amos. his heart skips a beat, but he puts it down to the topic. )

[tumang]

[ Amos's eyes move down to his hand, to Prax shifting, allowing Amos to slide his palm against Prax's. He stays there. ]

Good. I wish she'd told me we got her back, though. I wish I could tell you that.

[contorta]

I wish—

I wish I knew she was still alive.

( how did they get here? why are they talking about this? prax doesn't know whether he wants to change the topic, though. whether he could even if he tried, mei always at the forefront of his mind. )

[tumang]

What will you do, once you get her back? Like, say you get your pick to do anything. What would it be? Find another agricultural lab?

[ Amos realizes he's closed his hand around Prax's. He can't pull away, but he expects Prax will. ]

[contorta]

( once you get her back. amos sounds so certain about it, so sure. prax wants to soak it up and maybe that's part of why he doesn't move his hand away, why he doesn't bring any distance between them. if he stays close, maybe some of amos' certainty will transfer to him by osmosis. )

I haven't thought that far.

( but — ) She needs somewhere with good medical care. Another Ganymede. Something like it.

[tumang]

Luna, maybe.

[ Amos looks back at the moons. If he doesn't, if he keeps looking at Prax, he might lean in closer. ]

It's better than Earth. Earth is - I wouldn't recommend it.

[contorta]

Okay. ( prax nods slowly. then, a moment later: )

What's wrong with it?

[tumang]

[ Amos takes a breath through his nose, swallowing. ]

There are no jobs. You end up on lists for your whole life hoping to get an education, and that's when you're legal. If you're born illegally? You're fucked. It's the streets, gangs, whoring. That kind of stuff.

[ He's not looking at Prax anymore, but he hasn't let go of his hand, either. He's wondering if Prax can feel his pulse racing. ]

Some people, like the Cap - they get lucky. They get land and a big family. Most other people don't get the same chances.