reverienet | text | un: hudie

[It takes a little while for Erika to work up the nerve.

She's explicitly not telling Hinata about this, she's decided. First of all, it'd just be kind of weird and unnecessary from a normal-people perspective. Second, it comes a little too close to feeling like she's using him to replace someone, or a trio of someones, and that feeling needs to go sit in the corner and think about the consequences of its actions for a while.

The nerve for this does not actually materialize by the time she gets to deck 4, but you don't actually need nerve, as it turns out. Without it you get kind of numb-feeling and your throat locks up, but you can still physically move to a place, and that's good enough.

Erika gets to the door of the bar.

Steps through, quietly.

And then just fucking stops there, which she would have anyways because self-introductions are hell on earth and waiting around for people to realize you're there is always the way to go, but more importantly, those are some fucking wings.

Her expression is wide-eyed, but not alarmed. Startled, maybe. Rapidly processing.]

[ unfortunately for erika, this isn't the kind of situation where silence is going to buy her time. the moment she steps through the eyes on the back of venus's wings swivel, pivoting to look in unison at her. they're clearly not for show, either, judging from the way venus responds immediately - pushing herself around in the bar stool, cheerfully turning until she can give a little wave erika's way. ]

Hey! You're, uh... [ oh. oh no. what was it- ] Hudie, right?

[ the pronunciation is... surprisingly on point, even if it's completely on accident. she pronounces it like a choral "hodie," drawing out the i just a bit too long. it could almost be mistaken for the chinese character, if venus weren't the whitest girl on the face of the earth and also glowing.

when she realizes erika hasn't said anything yet, she giggles - a bit nervously. ]

Oh, um. Haha. Don't worry, I won't bite or anything.

[She straight up turns red out of sheer mortification.]

-Obviously. [Normally, she doesn't make eye contact at first. In this case that is LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE, and her gaze does a panicky series of jumps across Venus' silhouette before slamming down to the floor and sticking there.

This is so dumb. Everything is so dumb. Also, devil is false as hell advertising.

She wills her feet to get her over to the bar, and they comply just fine, even if there's nothing graceful at all about the way she hesitates and takes a stool for herself once she's there, shoulders hunched in a little. (This place looks a bit cleaner than it did a few days ago...?)]

Erika. Is me. Is "Aphrodite" your real name? [She makes eye contact with...one of the ones on the outer edge of a wing. That's easy enough. It doesn't feel quite the same as looking at a face, even if it is blinking and moving and watching.]

[ oh no. oh, no. it's less mortification and more pained understanding that venus feels. this is, like, exactly how she'd have handled this situation?? so she tries to at least keep some of her eyes off erika - give her a little room to breathe. (the one eye erika focuses on isn't one of them. it immediately faces her, blinking and watching normally, or as normally as an eye on someone's wing can get.) ]

Haha. I wish? [ she taps at her leg lightly with a finger, giving an awkward smile. ] It's Venus. After the planet. So I guess it's still sort of close?

[ she stands up from her seat, wings giving a tiny flutter to keep her balance, and walks to the other side of the bar. she pokes at a few of the bottles, sorting through them by some inexplicable criterion. ]

Either way. It's nice to meet you, Erika. [ and then, picking up a clear bottle with clear liquid inside- ] Do you know what any of this is supposed to taste like?

[Erika narrowly avoids babbling out something about how yeah Venus was the Roman name for Aphrodite so it's plenty close.

Oh, she's moving. Oh, okay, that's good, because Erika doesn't have to. She laces her fingers together on the bar and leans forward a little, putting weight on her hands, studying her thumbs in place of Venus' outer eyes. (Should she ask...? Maybe.)]

...I know what rubbing alcohol smells like.

[How different can it be, really.]

[ venus giggles at that, doing her best to keep her vision focused on her actions. all eyes on the bottle; all eyes on the glasses she's picking out; all eyes on the pour. it's not much, but hopefully it makes things a little easier on erika. ]

Great. It's basically like that. [ two shots poured, nice and neat - just below the brim. venus sets one in front of erika and one in front of the seat she took originally, walking back around to sit down again. ] I mean, not quite that bad? But it's pretty bad. Just to warn you.

[ she taps the shotglass, a few of her eyes rolling over to watch erika as she lifts it to her mouth and knocks it back. almost in unison, every eye on her squints; she makes a face like someone just suckerpunched her with a lemon and coughs gingerly into a hand. ]

This one's actually not the worst? It doesn't have an aftertaste, at least. [ ... ] Wait, I lied. Eurgh. There it is.

Edited 2018-05-18 04:29 (UTC)

[For someone that's just not very expressive, Erika goes through a bit of a face journey watching Venus take that shot.]

...You're not exactly selling it.

[She mumbles, and eyes her own, reconsidering. With a task at hand, something to focus on, already she seems less nervous. Less rigid, less bottled-up anxiety behind a frozen facade - there's still a quiet intensity about Erika normally, though, thoughts churning behind her eyes and movements small and efficient.

She pulls the glass towards herself with a furrowed brow, sniffs it, and draws back with her nose wrinkled. Why is she doing this, again? To tempt fate? To make a friend? This isn't something she'd consider a bucket-list item. To not be left behind? Yikes. Maybe it's to avoid thinking of herself as such a kid. Double yikes.

....

Fuck it.

She tries to down it.]

[oh god]

[The last 30% or so of it ends up down her chin and jumpsuit, but that means about 70% of it actually made it down her throat, which is a passing grade, so Erika will consider that a win why is it so bad oh god.

She refuses to make any noise, though. She will gracelessly dribble a third of it down her front. She will screw her eyes shut and cover her mouth. But she will not sputter, and she will not yell "UGH" or anything of the sort.

Succeeded?]

[

succeeded.

This was SUCH A DUMB IDEA]

Mng.

[Look at all this fucking poise. Scowling at the glass. Wiping her face on her arm. This is the face of a winner.]

Oh my god? Oh my god. [ she's smiling, and staring at erika, but it doesn't look like she's trying to mock her. in fact, she looks impressed?? ] You are way better at this than me? I still can't do it without wanting to die a little.

[ it finally hits her that erika is wiping her face. her eyes drop down to erika's chin. then down to her jumpsuit. after a moment, venus brings a hand up to her mouth. ]

Um. Do you need a towel...?

[The pride burns almost as much as her throat. Help she's dying.

Erika nods mutely.]

[ venus hops to her feet, quickly reaching the other side of the bar and rummaging around. she finds something, at least - more a rag than a towel - and quickly hurries back over to erika. ]

Here. [ she sort of... gingerly holds it out to her?? she doesn't want to scare her or anything, that much is clear in her actions. ] Sorry. I, um. The burn stops after a bit?

[She literally does not have any room in her brain to devote to caring what Venus thinks right now, it is all taken up by how fucking nasty that was. She grabs for the towel twice before she gets it, wipes off her chin, doesn't even bother with her jumpsuit, and drops her head to the counter.]

...I'ss disgusting. [maybe if she avoids moving her tongue the aftertaste will stop]

Haha. It so is? It's like nail polish remover. [ she reaches out towards erika's head - stops, thinks better of it, drops her hand back to her side. she giggles and speaks again. ] I kind of want another.

[ and no sooner has she said that then she's pouring a second shot for herself. she looks over to erika, jiggling the bottle around gently. ]

Want to wait a bit on the second?

[Second? Augh. She lifts her head, covers her mouth, and nods.]

How many is, [nope] I should be careful anyways. And it was bad. [Her voice dives to a mumble at the end there, self-consciousness kicking back in. She musters some nerve and pushes it back up into hearing range.] What's supposed to happen?

[ venus hears everything erika is saying with full attention. like, she's watching her, she's listening, she totally gets it! but the bottle's already open. so she pours the shot into erika's glass anyway, then scoots it a little further away from the girl. she can get it when she's ready. ]

Uh. Mostly, you just get drunk?? [ that probably isn't what erika's asking, huh. she lifts her second shot to her lips and downs it, managing to avoid flinching this time. ] Which is like. Hurgh. [ HAHA JUST KIDDING THIS SUCKS MAN ] Oh god, hold on.

[ she covers her mouth, grimacing and making all sorts of weird faces. she doesn't look like she's going to get sick, exactly - more like she just swallowed some unholy combination of tomato paste and coffee. it's bad. she finally gets it under control, licking at her suddenly-dry lips before trying that again. ]

Okay. Wow. Uh. It's like... You don't have to care about things for once? Like, that all just sort of floats away. It's great.

[NO SHE WANTED TO WAIT too late it's there. Augh.

Put like that, it sounds vulgar. Getting drunk together is what businessmen do. Getting drunk alone is what very, very sad people do. Getting drunk underage is just kind of dirty and unspeakable, and plenty of things about Erika's life are loserly and distasteful and the kind of thing people talk about in whispers while not looking her in the eye but this strikes a different note entirely.

(None of that really applies to Venus, though, first of all because Erika's never had much trouble reconciling the online and the offline and this day-drinker seems to her like an appendage of the network's bold Aphrodite, the coin that peppers her comments with smileys on one side and not-so-subtly tells people to go fuck themselves on the other. Second, because she's got wings and eyes all over, which gives Erika the impression of a Digimon, and Digimon follow their own, wilder set of rules. There's a divide between this world and that world, and obviously it's wide enough to sit on with a foot in each realm given the number of people who build their lives around doing so, but this dingy bar just screams realside a little too loudly for comfort.)

Swimming, swimming thoughts.]

That's kind of depressing. [Not the...specific thing, but the whole train of thought related to that, that that's what it feels like and lots of people do that and what does it say about, like, life in general...and the train of thought collapses itself into one judgy sentence. Whoops.] I'm probably not going to like it. [WHOOPS. God. Okay. Erika resolves to get over herself, and gives Venus a closer look, easing to her presence now that she has a bit of a sense of what she does. She meets the eyes all over her wings and examines them, mouth thin and gaze intent, scraping up the sight with a methodical curiosity.] Do you see with all of them at once?

[ maybe getting drunk together is for businessmen when you're old. but when you're underage, when you're still figuring out who you are and how you fit into a world that doesn't want you, getting drunk together means something a little more than that. it's distasteful, and it's not what good people do, and it's everything venus could want when it comes to getting to know people. she shakes her head fervently at erika's first statement. ]

No way! It's like... I'm always so worried? About so much. And then suddenly, I'm not, and I can just. Talk to people, and tell them how cool they are? [ she turns, flashing a smile - a real, honest-to-god smile. ] Like you. You're like... way cooler than me? Like, the whole quiet beauty type.

[ if venus intended that to be flirty, she certainly doesn't look like it. she's smiling, and not blushing, and definitely not having a panic moment over the stupid shit that just left her mouth. ]

And yeah, totally. [ she flexes one wing, raising it a few feet before switching to the other - and with a great deal of effort, she closes and opens the eyes on each one. ] It's weird? I probably shouldn't be able to make sense of it. But it's like... I don't know. I guess it's like this is how I should be seeing? Does that make sense?

[That parses. Until it doesn't.

This is someone else's conversation. Panicked indignation doesn't jump to rescue her from the mishap. Erika just sits, feeling stunned and kind of bad and waiting for the mistake to pass and be forgotten.

An escape hatch waggles at her, coyly.]

Yeah. That's how modding - VR, virtual reality avatar modding works the same way. The sensory map can have nonstandard inputs and the user doesn't notice the discrepancy until reconciliation at logout. Generally. In realtime it feels natural because the real-world frame of reference isn't involved in forming memories of the experience. Once the memories are ported back to the brain, the information is preserved, but it's corrected until readable. So what usually happens is ability to recall individual moments or pieces of information but not the experience as a whole.

[She fidgets absently with her hands, rubbing one thumb over the other thumb's nail and continuing to watch Venus' wings instead of her face.

Maybe if she keeps talking they'll get further and further away from the thing she wants to ignore, Erika thinks, pausing to scramble for more information.]

[ venus watches her expectantly, waiting for her to respond. and suddenly, she does.

she tries to understand what's being said. she really, truly does. but the words "sensory map" gets dropped, and she just sort of... nods along with wide eyes. any hope she might have had of understanding what erika's talking about, even with context, just sort of. flies out the window. when erika takes a break to think, venus offers: ]

I think you know more about how I see than I do. By like, a lot. [ she taps her own fingers against the bar top, trying to figure out what else she could possibly contribute here. ] That's a programming thing, right? What you're talking about.

[Ah.

Oh.

That was a bad idea, wasn't it.

Erika lays her head on the bar, sideways and facing in Venus' direction.]

I can stop. I just don't have anything else that's interesting to talk about.

No! I refuse. Both to let you stop and to believe that.

[ it's a surprising interjection, coming from venus - much more direct than she usually lets herself get. but she can't help it: she's drunk, and she's excited to meet erika, and she has no self-restraint whatsoever. ]

Keep talking. Unless you don't want to? In which case, um... I'll think of something. A game. [ god. she's the worst person to do this. she just kind of wants to play euchre??? ] Maybe I can ask Neptune.

[WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT. WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT

Erika makes a frustrated noise and kind of slaps her hand on the bar, except not because she remembers not to do shit like that halfway through the slap so she just pats the bar instead.]

It's not a favor. If it's just, if you just let me talk so I can talk, it's boring. And it ends up being on my shoulders, that it's all [what the fuck is the word] messed up. I'm not stupid? So don't try to do...that. It's the worst.

[She wonders where the fuck that came from, searches her memory of the last minute or so, and finds no apparent points of error. It's weird, and she kind of wants to tell Venus to forget it, but pattern analysis suggests it is entirely too late for that, so she just clams up and lets it be instead.]

Oh my god. It's only a favor to me though?? I'm too awkward to come up with actual conversation topics, so I just sort of let other people talk. Unless they need someone to laugh at, I mean. I'm good at being laughed at.

[ venus that is the single most depressing thing you've said on the goddamn station. ]

Okay, though. Um. Hm. [ yeah, she's coming up blank. ] Do you know any drinking games? I only know, like. Truth or Dare and Seven Minutes in Heaven.

[ and she's only known those for like... just over two weeks. ]

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done

i'm so sorry.

it's fine. everything is fine

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