video: un; LT_ANDERSON

[fuckingpassw0rd]

[You know things Hank still hates? Speaking on networks. He'd had enough of his chat days and preferred the company of books more than anything else. Still a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. So you're getting video of a tired looking man stuck in a suit that he already absolutely loaths. This thing reminds him that the last three years have given him the dreaded 'cop gut', in a large part due to his self-destructive diet.]

Hey, this is Hank Anderson. I really hate using this...so I'll make it brief. One, what the hell is going on? Anyone with more knowledge than being tossed in here would be welcome. And does this place have booze? I feel like this might help dull the pain. Thanks.

[Honestly, this is just small talk for what's really important to him and the whole point of this conversation.]

Anyway...if you see an android walking around calling himself Connor, lemme know. About six feet tall, perfectly combed hair, a vest with 'Android' written in the back in bright white letters, glowing symbols on his clothing, an LED circle on his right temple [He points to his own head, that's where it should be], may or may not mutter about deviants, androids, dogs, and coming from CyberLife, you can't miss him.

If you're watching let me know if you're here!

[Stop making him worry, he just got here and his suit itches. OH right and an important PSA.]

Right, if you see him licking something, yeah, it's perfectly normal he uses it to analyze things, but shit, it's still disgusting no matter what stupid space circumstances we're stuck in. And before you ask, no, I don't fucking know why CybeLife decided this was the best way to make him do it.

Comments

[fuckingpassw0rd]

[This is not fine. Hank is not fine.]

So you are an alien.

[He says with a mixture of both confusion and disbelief.]

[iustitia]

No shit, Troll Sherlock!

Connor's already let on that you guys haven't met any aliens yet where you're from, so. Welcome to first contact! There are a few other nonhumans aboard the station besides me; don't get weird at them.

[fuckingpassw0rd]

You got a mouth on you Candycorn.

[It's the horns.]

First I show up here, and now I'm meeting aliens. Good think I know I ain't dreaming, otherwise I'd think in investing in some sort of aluminum helmet.

[iustitia]

I'm an adult! I'm allowed to say swears. You can't shame me.

[she'd say the swears even if she was thirteen.]

Any mind controlling alien worth their salt knows how to penetrate a tinfoil hat. But it's really a toss of the coin if it's a good thing or not that this is all for real. I sure wish I was just dreaming it! I've got better things I could be doing.

[fuckingpassw0rd]

Never said I was shaming you.

[At least not yet. The fact she (maybe she, he didn't know since she was an alien) was speaking to him normally is actually strangely calming in itself - Hank can deal with alien things if they speak his language.]

Now you got me curious as to what an alien would be doing instead of being here.

[iustitia]

Do you want a joke answer or a real answer?

[fuckingpassw0rd]

[Hank an appreciate an alien with a sense of humor.]

How about you give me both, and let me decide which one is which.

[iustitia]

Ooh! I like the sound of that.

I could be hunting down criminals from across the galaxy with my dragon at my side, prosecuting them in front His Honorable Tyranny, who is a giant, angry crustacean that is just as likely to eat the accused as he is to eat an incompetent lawyer.

Or!

I could be jetpacking through space, trying to find my girlfriend who never came home after fighting a time-travelling alien that breaks space and shoots laser beams from his mouth.

[fuckingpassw0rd]

[Hank can't help but mouth a what the fuck at both of those statements. They are so ridiculous that he can't help but wonder if they are both false are both real.]

The first one involves judges and lawyers being assholes, which sounds like a universal truth, so I'm gonna go with that one.

[Plus crustacean. He'll always pick crustaceans for some reason.]

[iustitia]

Bzzzt! Very good guess and justification, but the correct answer was jetpacking through space! But to be fair, the first one mostly would have been true if the Alternian Empire hadn't collapsed.

Sorry for the late tag!

[fuckingpassw0rd]

[Humans can be so wonderful adaptable. Take Hank for example; at this point he's just going to accept this is his life right now.]

You know, I should have guessed from the laser beams. That sounds like the type of shit a comic artist would come up with.