reverienet | I. text; un: palpatine

It's not always easy to make the right choices. I know that. I know how hard it is to struggle to be good, but that doesn't mean you just give up.

It's that struggle that makes you stronger, or that's what I think.

The dark promises quick results and great power, but it's never worth it. I don't say that to judge you. I say it because I've been there.

haha. really?
do you?

i don't want to be rude.
i really don't.
but you keep talking about making the right choices, and struggling to be good
and that's all well and good, even if it's something you can never reach, and a million other people can reach it just by being born that way
but

what if you're not like them?
what if a part of you is just... dark?
what if there's a part of you that god hates, even though he's the one that made you like this,
and if you ever let it come out then you're not worth his time?
what's fair about that?

i don't care about power. or results.
i don't really care about any of that.
i'm just tired.
i'm done hiding. i don't want to pretend to be good ever again.

There has to be a balance, in everyone and in everything. No one is fully light or dark. Not you. And not me.

I don't know anything about your god so I won't try to speak for him. But all of this is so vague that I don't even know what about you is supposed to be dark. What were you trying to hide? What about you isn't right according to your god?

I'm impulsive. And I'm angry a lot of the time. Sometimes I just want to destroy everyone who's ever hurt me or the people close to me. I wanted to protect everyone no matter what. I couldn't handle the thought of losing anyone else. Honestly? There's still plenty of stuff I'm sorting through and I probably will be for my whole life. But I refuse to let those feelings control me.

You don't need to hide or pretend. Really, I don't care what you do so long as you don't threaten the lives of innocent people. If we're going to make it out of here, we need to work together.

maybe that's true.
for us, at least.
and probably everyone else too.
but that doesn't change that some of them are good people and some of us aren't.
that's what you grow up every day hearing. you know?
and when you think about it...

there's a lot to find wrong with me?
i cry too easily.
i'm always angry for stupid reasons.
i'll never be what my parents want. or my church. or the entire world.
if i went back like this, i think they'd try to hurt me?
they'd try to destroy the darkness.
and if i disappeared with it, i mean. that's just part of being bad, right?
being bad means that eventually, the good people get to beat you down until there's nothing bad left
and you're just left empty and alone.
that's how things should be. right?

except it's not! it's not at all!
when bad things happen to people, and it's all a part of god's plan, i can't understand that?
i don't even want to.
i mean, all the stories about temptation to the dark...
god's the one who sent that temptation, isn't he?
you said resisting it is what makes you good.
is that why he does it? does he hurt people just so that some others can become stronger?
the ones who are hurting least in the first place?

Edited 2018-05-06 19:31 (UTC)

That doesn't sound like you're evil. It sounds like you're a person, like anyone else.

I don't know. I don't know about your god at all, but I know that's not how the Force works. My parents didn't die to fulfill some great destiny. They died because they spoke out against the Empire, because they helped people. Maybe the Force led me to my friends, but it's all a matter of interpretation, isn't it?

Temptation comes from within yourself, and so does the darkness. To me, being bad isn't about accepting the darkness within yourself. It's letting it consume you and everything else around you. If I gave into the dark, I'd be forgetting everything my parents fought for and everything that makes me... me.

But you don't have to be what anyone else wants you to be. I just don't think anyone's concept of self should involve you know. Hurting people. So that's my one concern.

haha.
i think...
that maybe we're talking about things more different than i thought.
nobody back home would have said that.
"you don't have to be what anyone else wants you to be," i mean.
they'd say it, but they wouldn't mean it. you know?
"as long as you're already good." that's what they'd really mean.

i don't want to hurt people either.
that's a part of why i'm so crappy at being a good person.
the good guys kill the bad guys, right?
i never liked that. i thought it was unfair.

you seem like a good person, but like...
what i wanted being a good person to be.
maybe the dark for me isn't like the dark is for you.

Sounds like our universes have different ideas of good and evil.

Because that's not what good guys do. The good guys are supposed to help people and maybe it's small but I think not wanting to hurt people is a pretty clear indication you're a good person. Or at least not a bad person. Maybe you're just a person?

god. i hope so??
i really want to believe that.
so i guess... i'll try to do that for now. :)
i can cast shadows with my light, and you can be a flame in the darkness.

haha.
sorry. that sounded a lot sweeter in my head.

No that sounded wizard!!!!

It sounds like something from an epic poem or a holodrama?

i don't really know what sounding wizard is like...
but i guess i'll assume it's pretty cool :)
thank you. it's really helped
talking to someone about all this.

[ "holodrama." holodrama. why does sound kind of familiar? ]

That's what wizard means! It's just another way of saying cool :)

I'm glad I could help though. If we're stuck here we might as well do something good with our time right?

haha! awesome. i'm glad i got it right.
and yeah, i think that's a good idea.
i'm still trying to think of something useful to do other than

[ ding. ]

okay weird question
have you ever heard of a bantha?

yeah

Why

oh my god.
no way.
okay what about a sheep.

Yeah I know what sheep are. You still haven't told me why.

have you heard of a cow
i promise i'm not joking this is VERY IMPORTANT

They don't exist in my galaxy, but I've heard of them since coming here.

oh my god
cows really don't exist in space??
but SHEEP do????

oh my god.

anyway there's definitely someone else from your galaxy here!!
unless banthas are a thing all over.
which i thought was crazy?? but cows don't exist
and SHEEP are just some sort of universal constant???

Oh cool! Looking forward to meeting him

Or her or them you know. Who knows who it is! Lots of people in the galaxy!

Good luck with the cow thing though.

haha! don't worry, he was a him.
at least i think he was?? i didn't ask.
he seemed pretty okay with being a him though.
his name's ezra! ezra... bridges? i wrote it down somewhere
i think you'd like him. he's really nice.

i'm not really sure how he feels about all the light and dark stuff??
but at least he knows what a bantha is.

do they really have blue milk

Never heard of him but I'm sure you're right!

And yes they do.

wow. that's so weird.

anyway. nice to meet you!
should i just call you palpatine?
or maybe pal patine. haha.
that sounds friendly. :)

Fine with me :)

But just two things like a heads up?

If you see a really old creepy looking guy around the station and HE says HE'S Palpatine

1 that's not me

2 Do NOT call him pal patine

[ ... ]

why would he use your name??

Well

We have the same name!!

He's my uncle

But it's sort of an estranged family thing like we only talk on Life Day maybe and even that's rare you get it!!

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if you want me to edit his name out for personal sanity just hmu and i can do that

we good

i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry for her

she's very good

she sure is, i say as i write this fucking tag

proof she's good